When I Am a Bike...

I Am Free

Why?
I feel the wind whizzing past me caressing my ears. The wind is a funny thing you see, creeping into the most cramped up locations & yet managing to freely wander about. One place she never fails to visit is underneath my riding jacket. Aah... such delights she gives me (choke)! Countless times, she has pushed me into states of extreme euphoria & all those times I profoundly forgot my latitude & longitude. Ma woman....purrrr....bless you!

I Am Brave

Why?
The bike undoubtedly gives you the best sitting position God has ever devised; legs on either side, slightly elevated from ground level. The position however has made me extremely lazy to put my feet on the ground, which in return makes stopping a nightmare! But who needs to stop with such hassle? I will just go & kiss somebody's bumper with my tires & voila, effortless stationing. I usually visualize myself as superman when I am riding my bike. Whoa...hold it...I said I "visualized" myself, does that necessarily require me to wear my undies over my pants? Well, if that is what you require for me to appear Mr. Invincible, then by God I shall wear my undies over my pants. The two wheels that spin so closely to my legs more often than not induce me to work magic on the road. Them all other losers on four-wheels plus, I laugh atcha suckers! I wag my tail feathers while I am on it & my ride responses. I wouldn't want to imagine y'all trying to do the same in your whack wagons. Trust me it will not work.


I Am Macho

Why?
The road is mine & I am burning hot! Ho yeah baby!! Who gives a flying fig about the state of the person driving the carcass I am overtaking. It is just me & my hot-ride forever & ever. I will just squeeze myself past this 20 Ton contraption & people around me would look in awe & throw flowers & confetti! Awesomeness!! A brave idea suddenly hits my small brain! Perhaps I could show these motorists how maneuvering is done. A tweak here, a tug there, a brush here & a yank there & a-waaaaay weeee go!

I Am Blind

Why?
Whoever the egghead who decided to stick these side-view mirrors & signal lights & what not onto my cruise machine ought to be hanged. I need no stinkin' mirror or light or anything that remotely relates to highway safety. As long as I have my undies over my pants I ain't got nothin' to worry'bout, no sir!!! What...I can twist & turn & wriggle my way in & out a jam. It's just too damn bad that you have to just sit there & be jealous of me & perhaps commemorating my folks at home with such love & adoration!

I Am An Idiot

Why?
I see an 18-wheeler carrying cargo, making & precarious turn to the left. In my own drunken stupor I go try to over take the 18-wheeler from the left. I just love feeling so small & so drastically outnumbered in weight, height, length & also the wheel count! By some miracle the 18 wheeler keeps a hairbreadth distance between my hot-ride, my legs & a good deal of metal junk that could easily flatten me like ham! Am I disturbed? Hell no!! I go along as if nothing happened & meet a van again finding me on its left. Is it just me or is everybody heavily left-oriented today. This guy too is turning left & I am rammed between 2 feet of triangular space between a pavement & a big white bulky mess! Curses...let me just stop right here & curse the causes of putting this man on this earth. *#&@$(*&@#$


Brummmm....Brummmm....Aaang....Aannggg....