Tuesday, January 26, 2010


Criminy!!! Why can't I simply go to bed, shut my eyes & drift off to snoozle land without letting my wild fantasies get the best of me? Serious genetic flaw I am telling y'all... So here I am (again), rattling away on the keyboard, with a stinging right eye & a fried brain.

Today's topic : You can read, can't you?

You sit on a stiff chair, a boring desk, in a long demeaning hall. You are surrounded by four of your peers each at a distance of 2 or 3 feet maximum, surrounded by rustling of sheets, surrounded by long sighs, and the occasional sound of a pen hitting the floor. The clock ticks away & you know you are in a losing race. The heinous empty spaces in your writing sheet gapes at you. The recollections of all the wasted hours & incompetencies you are doomed to hang on to for the rest of your life scream into your conscience. And you are pregnant with convalescence.

It is wrong. But you did it anyway. What part of your brain that did not function properly at the time of your doing the wrongful act seems to be a good rhetoric question to ask. Now you are caught. You dread at the prospect of a zillion whys & hows & whens being fired at you most to which you will not have a rational answer. Many a prospecting black moments that will be spawned as a result of your mediocre processing skills flash before you. And you are pregnant with remorse.

The week seems to drag on forever. You wait patiently for "that" day. The day of long, secret pleasures. The moment you are transformed into this alien species who listens to no rhyme or reason. The patience is annoying. Yet, you know patience is duly rewarded & perhaps in many ways than one if you play your cards right. For some unknown reason, the longer the day seems to take to come, the faster it dies on you & adds itself to yesterday. And you are pregnant with covetousness.

You are given promises. You being the hopeful promisee believe that the promise would be honored. It turns out the promise comes at a cost you are not quite ready to pay as yet. You wait until the promisor sees some reason & lower the bargain. Your waiting yields nothing but futility. You question & throw alternatives at the promisor hoping the conditions would be waived. Seeing the rigidity, you back off and the promisor goes into oblivion. You are left stranded & wondering what the intentions of the promisor were. And you are pregnant with repulsion.

You see a frail figure lying on a stretcher. He is alive...still. You look at him & you see the struggle he has to put through just to suck in a breath of air. He twists & turns, apparently in discomfort caused by constantly running out of air. He wants to cough but his lungs are too weak to support the demand. His body dissolves so mercilessly under the wrinkling skin. He is sick. You have the same disease the man is suffering from. You see the state you will get to if you aggravate the disease. And you are pregnant with angst.

You have been saying "It is okay" "Nevermind" for a long time & for too many times. You know sometimes you do not mean it even if you said that it was okay & you did not mind it. But under certain controls you yourself have set you force yourself to say so & be a pretender. You are too stiff headed to lower your controls and admit the fact that you are not as strong as some of these antagonizing freaks believe you to be. Living in your own twisted game of charades you wonder if you are getting too strong or too numb. And you are pregnant with perturbation.

And you thought I would trail on digging into the human reproduction system didn't you? I laugh!!!

No comments: