Saturday, January 23, 2010
Startle not, with the seemingly obscene title my friends & fiends. This word for all I know is one of the most beautiful words in the English language yet cursed to be so brutally abused in more ways than one. This rapport, again a sudden gush of thoughts put to words is not in any way intended to slight a group of people, male or female. But should you happen to see yourself between these lines try not to chicken out. Read on. You might browse away from the page feeling like a new man/woman!
During the short course of my existence, I have been blessed to be surrounded by people of many a taste; sweet, sour, sensational, sullen, strange, sphinx-like. (Well yeah, I have a thing going on with the letter S, so sue me!) Variety my friends & fiends is a fascinating concept. Not only does it add color to our lives but also it make you & I all unique in our own ways. And so, from here-onwards unfolds the chronicle of pricks, written by a prick for pricks!
The slang for the word prick is so overrated, IMHO. For best effects, read on having removed the slang term out of your heads! Well, if you insist on licking on the slang term, be my guest for all I care! (LOL)
#1 - Best-Friend Prick
So it comes down to this. Supposedly one of the best childhood relationships many of us tend to cherish for the entirety of our lives, pops up as the #1 in the prick-list.
It starts like this. You know what I am up to. You know too much. Let us be "best friends", so that you will have your hands tied & mouth sealed. Be neutral, at whatever the cost for I know my deepest darkest secret is talking to you about me!
I for one have never believed in the best friend concept. Not basically because I believed myself to be the All mighty. All you need is a vent to let your frustrations out so that having done so you could be on your merry way! Takeaway point, be a friend to somebody, who knows how to be a friend to you in return. The best friend shindig is all bogus!
#2 -All-The-World-Is-A-Cheesecake Prick
There we have it, the one who sees all 7 colors of the rainbow all the time. Every person, event, & passing second is euphoria for them. People do only good. Nothing bad will ever happen. No cloudy skies, gloomy days, & no bastards around to stab you in the back. Welcome to Utopia!!
#3 -Your-Bar-Is-Too-High-For-Me Prick
The surreal inferiority complex. I happen to be a fan of this kind of heads. For some reason they never fail to make me feel like a super hero, with formidable powers. Instant stardom!! What more can you ask for? My advice, try not to talk them out of the pitiful state of mind. Like I said, it's surreal.
#4 -My-Bar-Is-Too-High-For-You Prick
If the bar is too high is probably because you are better off not trying to grab at it. Who needs to go through all the trouble of walking in high heels & stilts trying to reach too high a bar? Be at ease. That be your greatest strength my friends & fiends.
#5 -I-am-A-Grown-Up-In-A-Diaper Prick
Mother nature spins the clock of aging for a good reason. Try not to outsmart the woman. You are required to get old and act your age. How atrocious would it look if you happen to have a head going bald & need to change diapers every 30 minutes!?!? Prancing around like a wild kid will not attract you attention. It will however make others wonder what part of your genetic structure is faulty.
#6 -Imma-Do-You-Before-I-Go Prick
This I believe is best left to the readers to decipher. If only!!!
#7 -Crash Pad Prick
Not every prick is an eyesore. Hear, Hear!!!
#8 -Sealed-Lip-Busy-Head Prick
And the fascination of pricks continues, with the ever popular thoughtful ones. It never ceases to amaze me the tangled webs these pricks contribute in weaving. And once in a while the moment comes at which you are left feeling thankful that the prick is alive & upright.
#9 -Annual-Squeeze Prick
If you feel you belong to this group then I have nothing to say to you. You should feel downright sorry, ashamed & little. Why? Has it not occurred to you that surfacing only when you require something from somebody puts you way below in human ranking? People have to swallow an awful lot just to sound normal when you show your futile self. Try not surfacing at all for a change. That would do everybody a whole lot of good.
#10 -Now-You-See-Me-Now-You-Don't Prick
Lo & behold the great Houdini! Crowd Pleaser #1, so to speak!!! These souls have the knack of pulling out disappearing acts that are world class.:D The good thing however is that they never fail to keep you at the edge of your seats, although the fun is extremely short lived.
#11 -Be-The-Underdog Prick
Sometimes, there comes along the obnoxious creature & blabs out the most infuriating statements ever! The statements include, do not be an over-achiever, nobody wants an over-achiever, be average so that you will get noticed, do not do this, it will not work, don't do that you will be wasting time, bla bla bla...Well, dearies the space you lot occupy in this universe is just a waste!
#12 -The Weed Prick
Be not misled. This be not the "herb". The weed clan is always best kept in a distance. The lot is full of venom oozing out & feeding on any weak conscience that happen to cross their paths. BRRRR.... Fall not pray, or thou shalt be doomed for all eternity!
#13 -The-Easy-To-Please Prick
Oh, the cheery bundle, & by far the best of the lot. The most creative, weird thinkers. Good times once in company is guaranteed!
#14 - The Worthy Prick
If you did not happen to land yourself in any of the prior prick groups, this is where you probably belong. Congratulations...